Throughout my spiritual journey, and particularly, during my Dark Night of the Soul, certain phrases and lessons would come to me from Spirit. My journey has always been a mystical one-learning through experiencing the Divine personally. Almost all of the things I’ve been taught, I’ve heard about from Spirit first, and only later found out they were spiritual principles which have been taught for thousands of years.
LETTING GO & NON-ATTACHMENT
This week’s Angel message to Surrender & Release reminds me of two of the most difficult spiritual lessons I had to learn. It’s something I still work on daily.
My Dark Night of the Soul was a result of having to go into hiding from my ex-husband when he was released from prison early, without notifying me, having only served two of his 10 year sentence . I had already survived two years of his terror and now he was, again, stalking me, threatening to kill me, and kidnap my daughter. I lost my healing business, my income, my health, and my friends and family when I had to leave everything behind. He somehow convinced the courts he was a fit father and they granted him supervised visitation.
I remember my bank account always being in over-draft as I never had enough funds. I had always defined my self-worth by my success. I felt like a ‘loser’ and couldn’t accept myself because my bank account was in the negative, as if my worth was measured by dollar signs. That’s when I first heard Spirit whisper, “Let Go” and “Non-Attachment”.
“What?” I asked.
Spirit proceeded to impress upon me the need to release all my worries and fears to God. For someone who was always in control, even grasping for control when life was spiraling out of control, who was responsible, conscientious, ambitious, and at times, OCD, this was something I needed to meditate upon.
But non-attachment? This was an entirely new concept for me. Spirit explained how we should not have an attachment to anything on this earthly plane. All these things are given to us to enjoy but we should not become entangled with anything to the point that its lack will affect us in any way.
Money. I learned to not be attached to it. It was merely a tool, a form of energy, and by letting go, and trusting God, I would learn that my needs were always taken care of in miraculous ways. Money no longer defined me.
Eventually, I was put to the test to practice these lessons in letting go and non-attachment. When family court made the ruling to give my ex supervised visitation, they ordered my daughter to go to counseling to be shown pictures of her father in order to be prepared to meet him. She was four years old and had never met him. I knew deep in my heart this would not end well. There was no way a social worker could protect my daughter from this monster. The courts may not have been able to see it, but I knew what he was capable of. In my grief, I cried out to the Lord.
“Let go” and “Non-attachment”, I heard.
“Really?!? Seriously?!?” I asked angrily.
In as much pain as I’ve ever experienced, I completely released the situation into God’s hands. I let it go. It was no longer my problem. There was nothing else I could do except trust.
Hastily, with searing pain, I gave up my attachment to my daughter and to my life. Soaking my pillow in tears, I told God, “You can have my daughter and my life, if that is what you want”. In that moment, I felt a huge overwhelming relief. No more fighting. Only Surrender and Release.
When the courts set the date for the first visitation, my advocate asked me what my next step was in my fight. I calmly repeated, “Anything can happen.”
About a week or so later, my daughter recognized her father on the morning news, wanted by the US Marshals in connection to a quadruple homicide in the city on the 4th of July. He was still a fugitive a couple weeks later when I was suppose to hand my daughter, and our fate, over to him. The courts reversed their ruling, and two years later, he was sentenced to 400 years in prison after being found guilty of all four counts of murder.
Buddhism believes attachment is the root and cause of all suffering. To put things in perspective, we all come to Earth with our virtues and vices. We are here to pay our karmic debts, learn our lessons, and end the cycle of death and rebirth. Our souls are eternal. This is only our temporary home. The material things, the people in our lives, our experiences, are only here to help us on our journey. Nothing belongs to us. Everything comes from the Source, our Creator.
What is it you’re struggling with or causing you to suffer? I ask you to Surrender & Release. Let go and practice non-attachment.
I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments!